Honor

What is Honor? Honor is basically trustworthiness. It means you're true to your word. You honor your contracts. It also means you're true to the unwritten contract you should have with others... that whole "Golden Rule" thing. That's kind of "your word" as well. People trust you (or should be able to trust you) to treat them with a certain amount of respect.

Trust! Why should you trust people? You can't trust people, right? Not true. You really can't get through life without trusting people. You do it every day. Best example: every time you get out on the road, you trust that the people in the other lane won't swerve into your lane. You trust that people will stop at stop signs and red lights. Sometimes we actually put a little too much trust in this, but it's true -- do you ALWAYS look way down the road in each direction before you step on the gas? Admit it. Much of the time you just push the pedal when the light turns green unless you happen to catch a sign of danger out of the corner of your eye.

You put your money in the bank, fully expecting to get it back when you want it. You go to work for a week or two or a month trusting that you will get paid. Oh, sure, it's backed up by contracts and laws, but you also trust that the contracts and laws will be enforced if you don't get your money.

You trust people every day. You like the ones you can trust. You don't like the ones you can't. So you should be a person they can trust. Everything works better that way, and you are then a part of making a better world. Something as simple as showing up when you say you will makes the world a better place for those waiting on you, and it all eventually comes back to you.

Being untrustworthy, or not honorable is like spitting in the wind. In the words of an obscure band (Radiator) I once stumbled across...

It's like spittin' in the wind
It all comes back on you
It's like spittin' out the window
You're all right now, Jack,
But it all comes back
On you

By being honorable, you add to the reservoir of good will in the world. By not being honorable, you are a drain on the good will in the world.

If you're not a part of the solution.....

Keys to living a good life, Part 2

Why be a person you would like?

Well, for one, you are the only person that will have to live with yourself 24 hours a day, 7 day's a week, 365 (or 366) days a year. For the rest of your life.

Another reason is that more people will like YOU better and thus treat you nicer making your life easier than it would otherwise be. There is of course no guarantee that any single person will not treat you badly, but it greatly increases the odds for people being nice to you.

So, what qualities in other people cause you to like them?

"They give me stuff" is an instinctive reaction, especially from those who have been somewhat spoiled. But there is something to that. It's called Generosity. We like generous people, especially when they're generous to us. We also admire their generosity to others, especially to those in need.

I'll add the other biggie here - it's actually more important than generosity.

Honorability. It's trustworthiness with a halo around it.

There are others. Humility. No, I don't mean go around wearing sack cloths and smudge up your face and beat your own back with a cat o' nine tails... it means acknowledging you're not now, nor will you ever be perfect.

From humility and generosity spring patience. You know you're not perfect. You know nobody else is, either. When someone else behaves in a manner that we disapprove of, especially if it directly affects us -- we need to understand that that person, even if they're trying to improve, will fail sometimes. There is a limit to patience. If the person isn't trying, your patience will understandably run out quickly.

Patience is closely tied to forgiveness. If you give a person a chance to improve and you can see they are trying and really don't want to cause you any harm, it's a good thing to let go of whatever pain they have caused you. Stop holding a grudge. Holding on to it will only eat in to your patience and humility and generosity. Which are things we're trying to nurture here, not rot off.

So here are the basic keys

Honor
Generosity
Humility
Patience
Forgiveness

There are other keys, probably, but most people will have their hands pretty full with these alone. If you can get a handle on these, you'll do fine, and much better than most people.

Keys to living a good life, Part 1

The first, and most important thing is to be a person you would respect and love. It really takes the complexity out of the rest of your life. For years I struggled with my self-image. I couldn't understand why I felt so inferior to everyone else. I was a real Charlie Brown.

It had a lot to do with what I thought others thought of me. And I think it's pretty much the same with everyone who hasn't dealt with this and put it behind them. Our self-image, no matter what smoke and mirrors our minds put up to disguise the fact, are almost always based on how we think others perceive us.

It occurred to me, though, that if I met someone just like me, I'd like him and want him to be my friend. That turned out to be the big revelation that over time, turned my life around.

It sounds so simple. And like most basic truths, it is simple. The first key to happiness is to like yourself. And, like other basic truths, it's not QUITE that simple. You can't just say "I like me" and have it done with. You have to know what you're saying, and understand it, and mean it. If there's something in your behavior that you don't like..... guess what? You won't like yourself until you change it. The good news is, you have the power (and you're the only one with that power) to change it.

Too critical of others? Change it! Find yourself needing to feel superior to others? Get over it! Find yourself often rationalizing why it's ok for you to do unto others as you'd never have them do unto you? Cut it out!

We are all guilty of these things and others like them to some extent. Acknowledge that, and vow to try harder. And follow through. Nobody's perfect, but the person who can honestly say that they try to improve on their shortcomings is as near to perfect a person as I know.

Don't have any shortcomings? If you think that, that's the worst shortcoming of all. You know better. That one shortcoming is the one that will keep you from trying, and trying is the best you can do. You won't succeed all of the time. But if you try, you will succeed most of the time.

Maybe not at first, but success breeds success.

Be the change you want to see in the world. - Mahatma Ghandi

If you're still interested, move on to Part II